The lights Are On, But No One's Home! (Postcard No.5)

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Besides my ordinary obsession for seeking the hidden meanings in everything, recently, I gave a thought to obvious meanings which are often ignored nowadays, such as the meaning of your birth name. 

My name is Aida, even though I never felt as it belongs to me or that represents me in any way.  

Since always, I react mechanically turning my head to the direction of coming voice calling out my name, understanding that it refers to me, but not feeling it as a part of my identity. 

There was no place for Aida in my nameless egocentric cosmos for a long time. It is possible that I had a distance from my own name, because I was surrounded with a lot of namesakes. Each name has it's 15 minutes of fame and marks a few generations in bizarre circles of fashionable repetition. Among few others, Aida is most common Muslim name in Bosnia. Origin of name is Arabic and it means the visitor, guest. 

In my mindset of understanding, all Aida's I ever known were stable and ordinary characters applicable to Bosnian mentality, moral values and the common name. Living in the present moment without any aim or sanity,  I simply could not see the connection between my name and myself, or at least my projection of what I found to be me, nor I could linked myself with all known women called Aida. It was a strange combination of wanderlust, melancholy and ignorance pointed to something which is part of you, but which you did not had a chance to chose for yourself. 

I did not understand it before, but now it is clear to me; the given name is a custom made gift. It is a hand made birthday card! It is a home made baked cake! It is a special gift made of clay from your daughter for a Mother's day! 

All mom's are mom's but each of them is special! 

The moment when you get a chance to chose a gift for your own birthday or anniversary, it becomes a moment when the magic is gone. The gift turns our to be the order. Surprise effect is replaced with expectation. The birthday is not special anymore, the anniversary is forgotten; Without the gift the special day is an ordinary day. 

No one is ready to give up on it's own uniqueness. Therefore, do not despite your given name; it is part of who you are.

I gave a thought to my life and seeing it as a flashback I understood that my name may not belong to me exclusively, due to the fact that is not so rare and remarkable, but that my life is entirely applicable to the meaning of my name. It became clear to me, that my nomadic life style was determinate with my given name. I truly believe everything is a part of a Great plan of the Creator. 

I never understood the sayings in style of "home, sweet, home" neither I felt as "being at home" in Sarajevo. I constantly had and I still have the feeling like the home is somewhere else, beyond the reach, somewhere faraway, somewhere where I never been before, away from everything I tried to consider as my own.  

Yet in the same time, I feel all places, all present moments and other people in my heart. I feel freedom in movement, not in terms of being temporary located somewhere, but constantly being distanced from any kind of material belongings and ownership, connecting with random souls, sleeping in the different houses, seeking for meanings beyond and above. Travelling during the nights. Daydreaming about impossible. Falling in love constantly. Loving only for sake of love. Allowing to get inspired. Learning from others. Crying for every recognized beauty or sorrow. Feeling alive and being grateful.  Life is only the path and it takes you on the starting point. If you follow it, it will take you to Whom you belong.

I am only a guest and visiting the other people's dreams, stories and hearts makes me feel at home. Being still but traveling miles with my emotions and thoughts made me realize that home is not a place to be; my hart is my home.

Experiencing with your soul that everything in life is borrowed will set you free. Sharing everything you think you have will paradoxically learn you that the only truly thing you owe at least on this world and in this moment is your soul. 

Turn the light on! 

Stay in touch with your soul; it is a place to be- it's home.  

Pray, love and contemplate (postcard no.2)

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“Thank you,” the old man said. He was too simple to wonder when he had attained humility. But he knew he had attained it and he knew it was not disgraceful and it carried no loss of true pride.” 

The Old Man and the Sea, Ernest Hemingway

Humans lost their humility somewhere on the highway of time. We are to occupied with proving we are worth of things and recognition which does not have any true meaning. Our hearts became empty empires where only the superficial longings can be found in the darkness.

What happen to the spirit? Where the souls vanished? Our hearts are ghost towns and we are sadly proud of it. Blindly, we are trying to justified our ignorance to ourselves with delusion, 'nothing can hurt us anymore', just because we were disappointed, humiliated or hurt once upon a time. We pay more attention to the appearance rather than to the essence of anything and everything.

We take care of our bodies and practice regularly, but do we take care of our souls and our hearts? If so, than how? 

We miss something and we are not able to detect what that exactly is; we are ready to grab that  'something' in the moment we recognize it, but are we capable for acknowledgement? 

What will you say after you read that our eternal longing is the longing for the love of God? Feel free to deny. It is a personal choice. 

It is also a personal path. Those who seek shall find what they are seeking for. For me, existence of God is a fact. For others perhaps is not, but no one can deny the divine force of perfect order and movement in the Universe. Observe the nature! Stare at the sea. Admire is's movement and force. Try to imagine what is under the surface that you did not had chance to see on the documentary TV shows. Think about the known world and yourself. Think about all people before you and the ones whom will come after. Think about your transience and feel proud to be part of harmonic cosmos. Think about others whom are alike; think about those whom are less lucky than you. Think about death as essential part of a life. Nevertheless, think about the world as a master piece. 

And you shall be able to understand the fragments and you shall find the path which will led you back to your heart. 

The love you are looking for is also looking for you. The love is not only the significant person in your life. Neither a religion is the occupation of retired people. Love and truth are worth of living and dying for. 

Learn to overcome your ego. Learn to feel constant hunger for knowledge. Learn to obey and to be humble. Accept that each person has their inner small doubts and fears within their inner small cosmos, but also believe that everyone is worth of  love and respect. 

Embrace the religion you feel close to, or revive the one you were given when you were born, but you rejected afterwards. Trust in Beloved One and in yourself. 

Pray, love and contemplate.