Besides my ordinary obsession for seeking the hidden meanings in everything, recently, I gave a thought to obvious meanings which are often ignored nowadays, such as the meaning of your birth name.
My name is Aida, even though I never felt as it belongs to me or that represents me in any way.
Since always, I react mechanically turning my head to the direction of coming voice calling out my name, understanding that it refers to me, but not feeling it as a part of my identity.
There was no place for Aida in my nameless egocentric cosmos for a long time. It is possible that I had a distance from my own name, because I was surrounded with a lot of namesakes. Each name has it's 15 minutes of fame and marks a few generations in bizarre circles of fashionable repetition. Among few others, Aida is most common Muslim name in Bosnia. Origin of name is Arabic and it means the visitor, guest.
In my mindset of understanding, all Aida's I ever known were stable and ordinary characters applicable to Bosnian mentality, moral values and the common name. Living in the present moment without any aim or sanity, I simply could not see the connection between my name and myself, or at least my projection of what I found to be me, nor I could linked myself with all known women called Aida. It was a strange combination of wanderlust, melancholy and ignorance pointed to something which is part of you, but which you did not had a chance to chose for yourself.
I did not understand it before, but now it is clear to me; the given name is a custom made gift. It is a hand made birthday card! It is a home made baked cake! It is a special gift made of clay from your daughter for a Mother's day!
All mom's are mom's but each of them is special!
The moment when you get a chance to chose a gift for your own birthday or anniversary, it becomes a moment when the magic is gone. The gift turns our to be the order. Surprise effect is replaced with expectation. The birthday is not special anymore, the anniversary is forgotten; Without the gift the special day is an ordinary day.
No one is ready to give up on it's own uniqueness. Therefore, do not despite your given name; it is part of who you are.
I gave a thought to my life and seeing it as a flashback I understood that my name may not belong to me exclusively, due to the fact that is not so rare and remarkable, but that my life is entirely applicable to the meaning of my name. It became clear to me, that my nomadic life style was determinate with my given name. I truly believe everything is a part of a Great plan of the Creator.
I never understood the sayings in style of "home, sweet, home" neither I felt as "being at home" in Sarajevo. I constantly had and I still have the feeling like the home is somewhere else, beyond the reach, somewhere faraway, somewhere where I never been before, away from everything I tried to consider as my own.
Yet in the same time, I feel all places, all present moments and other people in my heart. I feel freedom in movement, not in terms of being temporary located somewhere, but constantly being distanced from any kind of material belongings and ownership, connecting with random souls, sleeping in the different houses, seeking for meanings beyond and above. Travelling during the nights. Daydreaming about impossible. Falling in love constantly. Loving only for sake of love. Allowing to get inspired. Learning from others. Crying for every recognized beauty or sorrow. Feeling alive and being grateful. Life is only the path and it takes you on the starting point. If you follow it, it will take you to Whom you belong.
I am only a guest and visiting the other people's dreams, stories and hearts makes me feel at home. Being still but traveling miles with my emotions and thoughts made me realize that home is not a place to be; my hart is my home.
Experiencing with your soul that everything in life is borrowed will set you free. Sharing everything you think you have will paradoxically learn you that the only truly thing you owe at least on this world and in this moment is your soul.
Turn the light on!
Stay in touch with your soul; it is a place to be- it's home.
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