Thanks to my choice of living
I have had a chance to understand and to experience the Tolstoy's opening line of
Ana Karenina: All happy families are
alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Sometimes we have a family
days, my ex-husband, our daughter and I. We spent all week or more
together like a regular family. It is fun, like a going to Disneyland or seeing
the latest blockbuster in the cinema. It feels like a template of living. Even though
the comprehension of life provides us with the understanding that
this is a short-term happiness, we still allow ourselves to (ab)use these
moments. It is human belief that things can be improved; that love stories
can be saved; that dreams can find their hazardous way to become
reality. Yes, all of it is more than possible; all of it happens all the
time, but what about the things which have the tendency to
follow our moments of happiness like a dark
shadows?
Those things
are happening simultaneously. Life is a game of light and
darkness.
What about the situations in life when we find ourselves as part
of collateral damage? What about our lost loves? Nevertheless, what
about our broken or forgotten dreams?
Sorrow is equally as precious as love; hurting makes room
for improvement of empathy and solitude can sometimes be the greatest
company.
Beautiful people you used to know are not necessary the ones you
share your present with, but not being part of your life does not make them
less beautiful. Lost loves are like butterflies- tragedy is crucial part of
their existence. So, we have a choice, even when it does not seem so. We can
accept or refuse; we can settle with ordinary or we can seek someting unique.
We can do whatever we feel like doing or whatever we ever wanted.
But, do
we completely understand the difference between our dreams and our
fears?
You can choose your starting
point as empathy or religion, but it is crucial to make a humble
observation of your transience and human vulnerability. Is our fate the path we
follow, or do we create the path for ourselves? It is a personal inner debate,
and it is essential for understanding the distinction between our longings and
our aims.
I believe in God, I trust in
life and I love people.
When I was younger I thought
I knew exactly what I wanted from life, but along the way I realized I had
just a sketch designed by my imagination within my mind. Life is the canvas
(even this metaphor sounds cheap). We hope we can draw with our
desires, but eventually we do it with our actions. We are mapping our
lives by choosing our next step, all the while dancing under the moonlight
or crying in the dark. I love to compare a life with the sea; I see both as a
movement of the greatest force.
As years passed I learned to
truly embrace my imperfect life and the people who are or who were part of it;
I accepted all brokenness of humans relations. In the meantime I started
to live in the present moment , instead
of daydreaming of future I was longing for. Yes, I do have quality time with my
unconventional family, but I also have time for my highly appreciated
much sought after creative solitude. In the personal choice
of independent living social labeling is useless.
The traditional norms are needless- only beliefs and human ethics are really
relevant. The aim is to make a collection of all meaningful moments we have
had a chance to pass through. At the end of our journey in our
memory only the joyful moments and sparks of happiness will
remain.
Thanks to my choice of living
I have had a chance to understand and to experience the Tolstoy's opening line of
Ana Karenina: All happy families are
alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
I guess, we are a happily unhappy family; we have a family days
without going to Disneyland.
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